расслаблен(а)Важное доказательство:
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THE BUTTOCKS
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty! One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling, - she replied, - I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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WHERE DID THE WHITE MAN GO WRONG?
(К ВОПРОСУ О РАСОВОМ ПРЕВОСХОДСТВЕ)
Комиссия Конгресса обратилась к вождям-старейшинам индейских племён с вопросом: "В чём заключается главная историческая ошибка белого человека?"
"Ты наблюдал в течение 90 лет за всеми действиями белого человека, - сказал Председатель Комиссии Конгресса самому старому из вождей, по имени Двойной Орёл, - ты видел наши войны и технологические новинки. Перед твоими глазами прошагал Прогресс и вызванные им Разрушения среды".
Двойной Орёл грустно кивал головой.
"Принимая во внимание всё, чему ты был свидетелем, как ты считаешь, в чём заключается главная ошибка белого человека?"
Выдержав долгую паузу, Двойной Орёл наконец бесстрастно ответил:
"Когда белый человек открыл эту землю, здесь хозяйничали индейцы. Не было налогов. Было множество диких буффало и бобров. Вода была чистой. Женщины выполняли всю работу. Медицинские услуги шаманов были бесплатными. Мужчины целыми днями занимались только охотой и рыбной ловлей. И каждую ночь - сексом..."
Вождь откинулся на спинку стула и ехидно улыбнулся: "Только белый человек настолько глуп, чтобы думать, будто подобную систему можно улучшить!"
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ЖЕНЩИНЫ О МУЖЧИНАХ:
Men are a luxury, not a necessity. – Cher
The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing...and then marry him! – Cher
Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable. – Cher
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships. – Sharon Stone
I think...therefore, I'm single. – Lizz Winstead
A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump, like a doughnut. So first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite...the male ego. – Roseanne Barr
The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one. – Rita Rudner
I knew nothing about sex because I was always married. – Zza Zza Gabor
Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs. – Miss Piggy
Men are creatures with eight hands. – Jane Mansfield
Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all. – Paris Hilton
I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. – Marie Corelli
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. – Molly McGee
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. – Mae West
A hard man is good to find. – Mae West
I would rather be a beggar and single, than a queen and married. – Queen Elizabeth I of England
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. – Katherine Hepburn
Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones. – Katherine Hepburn
As long as you know most men are like children, you know everything. – CoCo Chanel
A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. – Lana Turner
Men are beasts, and even beasts don't behave as they do. – Brigitte Bardot
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. – Marion Smith
I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. – Jean Harlow
When a man of 40 falls in love with a girl of 20, it isn't her youth he is seeking but his own. – Lenore Coffee
Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man. – Erica Jong
I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself. – Yoko Ono
Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn. – Madonna
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. – Lily Tomlin
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. – Phyllis Diller
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. – Helen Rowland
I love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags. – Gwyneth Paltrow
You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view. – Maureen Lipman
A man can sleep around no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she's a tramp. – Joan Rivers
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. – Elayne Boosler
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. – Ellen Burstyn
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CТАРЫЕ НО ВСЁ ЕЩЁ МУДРЫЕ МЫСЛИ ИЗ РОССИИ
УМНАЯ ЖЕНЩИНА, ЧТО ЛОШАДЬ ГОВОРЯЩАЯ - ЯВЛЕНИЕ РЕДКОЕ И НИКОМУ НЕ НУЖНОЕ
ЭГОИСТ - ЭТО ЧЕЛОВЕК, ЛЮБЯЩИЙ СЕБЯ БОЛЬШЕ, ЧЕМ ДРУГИХ ЭГОИСТОВ.
БОЙТЕСЬ СЧАСТЛИВОГО БРАКА - ЭТО НАВСЕГДА.
ЧЕЛОВЕК НЕ СОЗДАН ДЛЯ РАБОТЫ, И ВОТ ТОМУ ДОКАЗАТЕЛЬСТВО: ОН ОТ НЕЕ УСТАЕТ.
РУССКИЕ НЕ ЛЮБЯТ РАБОТАТЬ: ТОЛЬКО ОНИ МОГЛИ НАЗВАТЬ ВКЛЮЧАТЕЛЬ ВЫКЛЮЧАТЕЛЕМ
ДЕВУШКА, ВЫ ТАКАЯ ФЕШЕНЕБЕЛЬНАЯ, ЧТО МНЕ НЕРЕНТАБЕЛЬНО.
ЩЕКОТКА - ДОБЫВАНИЕ СМЕХА ВРУЧНУЮ...
ОН ХАМИЛ ТАК, КАК БУДТО У НЕГО В КАРМАНЕ ЛЕЖАЛА ЗАПАСНАЯ ЧЕЛЮСТЬ
ОН УМЕР ОТ ИЗБЫТКА ЧУВСТВ, СРЕДИ КОТОРЫХ ПРЕОБЛАДАЛИ ЧУВСТВА ГОЛОДА, ХОЛОДА И ЖАЖДЫ
ЧЕЛОВЕК НИКОГДА НЕ БЫВАЕТ ТАК БЛИЗОК К СОВЕРШЕНСТВУ, КАК ПРИ ЗАПОЛНЕНИИ АНКЕТЫ НА РАБОТУ
НЕ ТРОГАЙТЕ ОГОЛЕННЫЕ ПРОВОДА МОКРЫМИ РУКАМИ. ОНИ ОТ ЭТОГО РЖАВЕЮТ И ПОРТЯТСЯ
В ДОМЕ ВСЕ БЫЛО КРАДЕНОЕ, И ДАЖЕ ВОЗДУХ КАКОЙ-ТО СПЕРТЫЙ...
ЕСЛИ ВЫ ВЗГЛЯНУЛИ В ЗЕРКАЛО, НО НИКОГО ТАМ НЕ ОБНАРУЖИЛИ - ВЫ НЕОТРАЗИМЫ!
Я ЧЕЛОВЕК НЕ ЗЛОПАМЯТНЫЙ, ОТОМЩУ И ЗАБУДУ
ХОЧУ НЕМНОГО ПОЖИТЬ ОДИН, - ПОЯСНЯЛ ИЗОБРЕТАТЕЛЬ ВОДОРОДНОЙ БОМБЫ...
МЕНЯЮ СКАТЕРТЬ-САМОБРАНКУ НА АНАЛОГИЧНУЮ ПРОСТЫНЬ
ЧТО ЖЕ ВЫ ТАК УБИВАЕТЕСЬ, ВЫ ЖЕ ТАК НЕ УБЬЕТЕСЬ.
НАША КОШЕЧКА ТОЖЕ СНАЧАЛА НЕ ЛЮБИЛА ПЫЛЕСОС, А ПОТОМ НИЧЕГО - ВТЯНУЛАСЬ...
