A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor. "Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
"Give me one last request, dear," he mumbled.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he whispered, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.